news director

Please Support our Sponsors

Search Results

Search results for:
Ed Toolis

Search News Articles:

    82 matches found.
  • Hubbies, Hillary and Police Brutality; News Bits You Missed
    Photo: Is this man's future?
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... a National Day of Prayer by Right-Wingers (SNN) Oct 26. Mark your calendars. Expect Intragram to be flooded with pics, which is the latest form of protest to replace placard-waving demonstrators. Bonus! Read a sample of Ed Toolis’ book, There’s an App for That  Unaltered Photo: Some Rights Reserved by Vanessa M Flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can  be located...

  • Texas Zoos to Cure Animals of Gay Behavior + More News Bits
    News bits including strange bits, political bits and naughty bits
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... typical response on Twitter, “not to tell our kids the Tooth Fairy pays $4.36 on average. Now I have to cough up $3.36, times two, plus what payday loan companies charge in interest.”   Read a sample of Ed Toolis’ book, There’s an App for That 

  • Ed Toolis' News Bits # 6
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... she’s the executor of her husband’s estate, is demanding compensation from her insurance company. The insurance company says they will sue her to get back the money they will have to pay to her. Read a sample of Ed Toolis’ book, There’s an App for That at http://www.kboards.com/sample/?asin=B00KND464K

  • The Sage Reviews the Hottest Online Games
    Photo: Oh The Games People Play Now
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... time, you’ll see what they actually sold for and how much of a profit you would have made after expenses, like repair, paying taxes and interest on loans. * * * * Special Offer for the Sage Nation! Read a sample of Ed Toolis’ book, There’s an App for That  

  • Ed Toolis' News Bits
    Satire Snippets Ripped From Today's Headlines
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... “If I can take on 100,000 pro-union protesters as governor,” he said, “As president, I can do the same with the International Brotherhood of ISIS."   Special Offer for the Sage Nation! Read a sample of Ed Toolis’ book, There’s an App for That

  • Unique Person Found in Hollywood
    ... plus more New Bits from SNN.
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... Exporting Snow (SNN) - New law requires that all empty railroad train cars, leaving the Boston area, be filled with snow. “There’s no where else to put the stuff,” the mayor said. Read a sample of Ed Toolis’ book, There’s an App for That

  • SNN Mourns the Loss of America's Most Trusted Anchorman
    By Ed Toolis
    (SNN) - In a two-hour address to readers yesterday, Editor-in-Chief Brian Hahn said, “While the other evening news anchors aired two-minutes of hard news, with the rest being fluff, feel-good pieces and the most viral video of the day, this great man made his reputation for in-depth analysis of the issues, exposing buffoonery, hypocrisy and the bull that dominates so much of politics today.”  “Yes, we will all miss...

  • Oklahoma Bans Much of History from Public School Textbooks
    ... plus more News Bits from SNN.
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... that the beaches are still full of topless, bikini-clad women. The bad news is that they're still the same women, who were there forty years ago, so now they’re into their sixties and seventies. Read a sample of Ed Toolis’ book, There’s an App for That Image: Some Rights Reserved by yuan2003 flickr photostream. The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can be found here.

  • Romney Loses the Presidential Election for 3rd Time
    By: Ed Toolis
    (SNN) - All three of the multi-billionaires, who finance the Republican elections, voted “no.”

  • Anti-Vaxxers Cause Riots at Gov. Chris Christie Rally
    By: Ed Toolis
    (SNN) - When a hundred placard waving parents showed up late, with their children, to thank him for supporting their right to not give their precious little ones autism and other profound mental disorders, thousands scattered in all directions. “People were screaming at me,” said the New Jersey State Police, who headed security for the rally, “saying, that if I was there to serve and protect, why wasn’t I making sure...

  • Republicans Vow to Stop ObamaCollege from Becoming Law
    By: Ed Toolis
    (SNN) - “Taxing the rich, to give the middle class and the poor a free community college education, is out and out class warfare on the 1%,” John Boehner said at the press conference. “If people want to get better jobs, trickle-down economics is the only way to do it.”

  • Brian Williams Scandal Smears The Sage News Network
    Offer to the embattled anchor was false, publisher in hot water.
    By: Clark Kent
    ... to apologize.” “Personally, I think the 'editors' of the Sage should remember that we are a legit news service, and would NEVER hire Brian Williams because he lied,” stated News Bite Reporter, Ed Toolis. “ I am insulted to think that The Sage even has a Faux News Edition!” Toolis has gone on record that if The Sage ever offered Mr. Williams any position, and would pay him more, “I am out of here!”...

  • ISIS Social Media Strategy Backfires
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... from all over the Muslim world, have volunteered to wipe them out. Acknowledging the PR mistake, a spokesman for ISIS said, “All those in our SEO and social media department will be beheaded.” Read a sample of Ed Toolis’ book, There’s an App for That

  • North Korea Issues Press Release for Their Comedy Movie, "US imperialists Will Face Final Doom"
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... release for a movie; it was the real thing. So we are retracting the story, sincerely apologize for the error and want to assure our readers that actions will be taken to insure the upmost integrity of this publication.] Read Ed Toolis’s Humor, Sketch & Comedy Writing blog Image: Some Rights Reserved by DonkeyHotey flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can be found here.

  • George Zimmerman Arrested for Third Time
    By: Ed Toolis
    (SNN) - This time, it was threatening to kill his girlfriend with a beer bottle. Although his girlfriend was bottle-less, thus unarmed, he told the judge it was self defense.  Read Ed Toolis’s Humor, Sketch & Comedy Writing blog

  • "Secular" Corporations Pull a "Hobby Lobby"
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... that, “if you’re dumb enough to believe in intelligent design, you’re not smart enough to work for us.” And hundreds of religious organizations have cried “discrimination.” Read Ed Toolis’s Humor, Sketch & Comedy Writing blog

  • Republicans' 2016 Campaign for the White House Coming to a Close Soon
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... billionaire donors, wins the Republican slot in the most important election in the democratic world,” said a noted political analyst. “And the mad scramble for them will be over in a couple weeks” Read Ed Toolis’s Humor, Sketch & Comedy Writing blog

  • Why Are More & More Wild Animals Flooding the Suburbs?
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... migrations of deer, ducks, geese, pheasants, and other critters, down the expressways into the suburbs, where groups of hunters won’t be able to let loose and spray them with automatic weapons.  Read a sample of Ed Toolis’ book, There’s an App for That Image: Some Rights Reserved by Kool Cats Photography over 3 Million Views flick photostream. The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can be found...

  • The Profit Motive and the Media
    ... another Snippet from Fox News
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... wimps?” He shrugged his shoulders. “I mean, getting over thirty concussions from playing football, all the years of my youth, didn’t do a damn thing to my mental abilities . . .” Read a sample of Ed Toolis’ book, There’s an App for That

  • Here Are the Latest Headlines The Sage's are Working On.
    By Ed Toolis
    ... Peace Prize (SNN) - Although we haven’t seen any results yet, when they announced that as a result of the Charlie Hebdo Massacre, they would shut down all jihadist websites, millions nominated them. Read a sample of Ed Toolis’ book, There’s an App for That

  • Reality TV Show Producers Ask for Your Help
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... of Americans believe Obama would be better at handling an alien invasion than would Romney. If you, or anyone you know, fits the above profile, tell us in the comment section below. We’ll have them contact you Read Ed Toolis’s Humor, Sketch & Comedy Writing blog Image: Some Right Reserved by Alberto Gonzalez flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can be found here.

  • Admit It. If You Saw These Headlines on the Cover of a Supermarket Tabloid, You'd Buy It
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... Reporter For Using His Name Without Permission Responsible Gun Owner Shops With Loaded Gun In Purse, 2-Year-Old Finds It And Kills Her Ghost Of Christmas Past: Megyn Kelly Assures Children Santa Is White Read a sample of Ed Toolis’ book, There’s an App for That Image: Some Rights Reserved by brownpau flickr photostream. The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can be found here.

  • Here are the Latest Headlines The Sage is working on.
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... Obama Got China to Fall for So-Called Science of Climate Change (SNN) - “And here I thought Asians were supposed to be smart,” said the Senator from the coal-producing state of Kentucky. Read a sample of Ed Toolis’ book, There’s an App for That

  • Here are the Latest Headlines The Sage is working on.
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... approving any appointments and by not passing any meaningful legislation,” said Mitch McConnell. “And doing our job by using executive action, on the immigration issues, is dictatorship.” Read a sample of Ed Toolis’ book, There’s an App for That

  • Writer of Controversial Kim Jong-Un Article Does Q&A via Social Media
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... DeGeneres, and The View is get the public to finally believe her. Do you have questions for Brian Hahn follow this link to send him a message. Read the original story that started this International incident.   Read Ed Toolis’ Humor, Sketch & Comedy Writing blog

  • PM Stephen Harper Becomes Latest Casualty in SNN - Kim Jong-Un Controversy
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... of all times, too.” RELATED STORY: North Korean News Network Attacks SNN for Kim Jong-Un Article RELATED STORY: Writer of Controversial Kim Jong-Un Article Does Q&A via Social Media Read a sample of Ed Toolis’ book, There’s an App for That Image: Some Rights Reserved by Stephen Harper flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can be found here.

  • North Korean News Network Attacks SNN for Kim Jong-Un Article
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... story, for the sole purpose of getting tons of free worldwide publicity, so we can dramatically increase our readership.” RELATED NEWS: Kim Jong-un Arrested: Faces 5000 Days at Labour Camp 22 Read a sample of Ed Toolis’ book, There’s an App for That  Image (cropped) : Some Rights Reserved by Austin English flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can be found here.

  • Here are the Latest Headlines The Sage is working on.
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... they’ll end up on the EPA’s North American Endangered Species List and I won’t have to yell at my neighbors, because I have to spend three hours a month trying to kill the damn things.” Read a sample of Ed Toolis’ book, There’s an App for That

  • Here are the latest stores we are working on.
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... bacteria that keeps weight in check, millions rushed to their doctors, demanding antibiotics that would kill off the real threat to mankind.; the ones that cause the body to absorb fats and sugars.” Read a sample of Ed Toolis’ book, There’s an App for That

  • Here are the latest stores we are working on.
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... News. Check out the latest Kim Jong-Un video, speculate on what’s really going on, upload a video of your idea to YouTubeVideoForensics.ca, and you just may end up being a regular on the Daily Show. Read a sample of Ed Toolis’ book, There’s an App for That

  • Here are the latest stores we are working on.
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... were better than actual, highly-paid traders. Now tens of thousands of traders are being subjected to the same protocol. And one fund is already advertising that they have the best rats in the business. Read a sample of Ed Toolis’ book, There’s an App for That

  • Here are the Latest Headlines The Sage is working on.
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... Explicit ‘Yes’ Before Having Sex Changes Single’s Scene (SNN) - Napkin coasters in single’s bars have been replaced with consent forms, which the bartenders will witness and notarize. Read a sample of Ed Toolis’ book, There’s an App for That

  • Here are the Latest Headlines The Sage is working on.
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... Full Figure Entertainer of the Year celebration, they’ve allocated over $400 million in subsidies to make sure America’s full-figure clothing industry remains the dominant leader in the world. Read a sample of Ed Toolis’ book, There’s an App for That

  • BREAKING NEWS ITEMS: What we are working on.
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... chairs to match overweight people up with skinny people, match people who aren’t interested in reclining up with tall people and laptop users, and to match the deaf up with incessant cellphone gabbers. Read a sample of Ed Toolis’ book, There’s an App for That 

  • BREAKING NEWS ITEMS: What we are working on.
    Marijuana, Romney, and Naked Selfies... oh my!
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... announcement on TechCrunch. “But if the celeb is out of town on a movie set or whatever, her spouse or secret lover can easily see what they’re missing, using a sentence-long password.” Read a sample of Ed Toolis’ book, There’s an App for That

  • BREAKING NEWS ITEMS: What we are working on.
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... assignments, like studying three or four chapters of Masters and Johnson’s research, and gave them weekly tests on it. And it worked. Now, a whole generation can’t even stand to think about sex.” Read a sample of Ed Toolis’ book, There’s an App for That

  • Must Watch Made-for-Mobile-Devices Movies
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... Eventually, they narrow it down to genetically-modified wheat, which was designed to decrease the use of pesticides. But then the modification makes its way into people’s DNA and things go terribly wrong. Read a sample of Ed Toolis’ book, There’s an App for That  Image (cropped): Some Rights Reserved by Sara Robertson flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can be found here.

  • BREAKING NEWS ITEMS: What we are working on.
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... on the program. “And they are not above telling invasive species ‘Conditions are so bad over here, I probably won’t last the week,’ just to get them to take root elsewhere.” Read a sample of Ed Toolis’ book, There’s an App for That

  • Here are the Latest Headlines The Sage is working on.
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... More Enjoyable (SNN) - “Things like magicians, sing-along music groups, stand-up comics,” a spokesperson said at the press conference. “Anything but making the lines go faster.” Read a sample of Ed Toolis’ book, There’s an App for That

  • Here are the Latest Headlines The Sage is working on.
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... Wikipedia Entry (SNN) - When historians were harsh on the Tea Party and Republicans, in an entry on the Obama years, a House Subcommittee rewrote history. And anyone who changes it will get life in prison. Read a sample of Ed Toolis’ book, There’s an App for That

  • Here are the Latest Headlines The Sage is working on.
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... childless couples are selfishly pursuing their own happiness, pouring their love into their “two cats and a little dog,” pet owners worldwide took the Lord’s name in vain on his Twitter feed. Read a sample of Ed Toolis’ book, There’s an App for That

  • What Amusement Parks Would You Like to Visit?
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... thinks would be utopian. Surviving the World of Temptation - For conservatives. Can you survive a god-less, liberal world where everyone around you is a Kardashian? Running an Abortion Clinic in Mississippi Read a sample of Ed Toolis’ book, There’s an App for That Photo (Unaltered) : Some Rights Reserved by Fiona Thomson flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The origional image can be found here.  

  • Here are the Latest Headlines The Sage is working on.
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... Crossword Puzzle Bombs. (SNN) - “We just don’t get it,” a representative said. “When some guy translated Moby Dick into emoji, we just thought it would be the next big thing.” Read a sample of Ed Toolis’ book, There’s an App for That

  • Here are the Latest Headlines The Sage is working on.
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... the word is offensive, the network’s legal team is frantically studying the issue. Pope Excommunicates Mafia (SNN) - And Catholics worldwide pray to God the mob doesn’t put a hit out on him. Read a sample of Ed Toolis’ book, There’s an App for That

  • Here are the Latest Headlines The Sage is working on.
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... Earthquakes in the Last Month (SNN) - Critics blame fracking, but the industry says, “it will take at least thirty to forty years before our scientists will have a definitive answer on that matter.” Read a sample of Ed Toolis’ book, There’s an App for That

  • Here are the Latest Headlines The Sage is working on.
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... demonstrators at a huge rally in Washington. “But not a single one of the 388 protestors I talked to knew the first thing about writing computer code or had a medical or engineering degree.” Read a sample of Ed Toolis’ book, There’s an App for That

  • Here are the Latest Headlines The Sage is working on.
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... just another Ponzi scheme, they stabbed him in the exercise yard.” Fidelity Investments Creates Marijuana Mutual Fund (SNN) - The offering turned out to be so hot, all their other funds nose dived. Read a sample of Ed Toolis’ book, There’s an App for That

  • Here are the Latest Headlines The Sage is working on.
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... we know that not only would thousands submit do-it-yourself house designs, but that people would actually manufacture the blocks out of recycled materials and build whole neighborhoods.” To “see inside” Ed Toolis’ book, There’s an App for That - HERE

  • Another Snippet from Fox News
    How the DNC Hatched the Most Diabolical Plot Ever Devised by Man
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... before it’s too late,” a male voice from somewhere shouted. “We’ve got to buy up all the possible positive titles and phrases, to deprive them of that option . . . ” To read a sample of Ed Toolis’ book, There’s an App for That Photo: Some Rights Reserved by DonkeyHotey flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can be found here.

  • Here are the Latest Headlines The Sage is Working On.
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... Rye. Pharmaceutical Companies To Run Out of Pronounceable Names for Drugs by October 2015 (SNN) - They’re currently running clinical trials on license plate-type numbers and three-word phrases. To read a sample of Ed Toolis’ book, There’s an App for That

  • Another Snippet from Fox News - Is Politics Making the Country Dumber?
    ... in case you missed it.
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... is essential to Democracy.’ And since we here at Fox News take our part in it seriously, we have made the whole report available to all of you. Feel free to drive the liberals around you nuts with it. . . ” Ed Toolis, author of “There’s an App for That” Photo: (unedited) - Some Rights Reserved by CODEPINK Women For Peace flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can be...

  • Here are the Latest Headlines The Sage is Working On.
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... to offer one. Limbaugh Must Be High on Something Again (SNN) - “The liberal media made the kidnapped Nigerian girls story go viral, so they could avoid talking about Benghazi,” he said recently on his show. Ed Toolis, author of “There’s an App for That”  Read a sample of my book, “There’s an App for That

  • Another Snippet from Fox News - "Vampire Therapy"
    In case you missed it.
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... 2016 campaign.” The anchorman looked up at the viewers. “And let’s face it, the only explanation for her not taking a public stand on this issue, has to be that she’s a plasma junkie. . .” Ed Toolis, author of “There’s an App for That” Photo: Some Rights Reserved by Donkeyhotey flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can be found here.

  • Here are the Latest Headlines The Sage is working on.
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... “He’s trying to Big Gulp the will of the people,” said NRA’s president Wayne LaPierre in a press conference. “ And it’s time for the people to stand their ground and get money out of politics.” Ed Toolis, author of “There’s an App for That” Read a sample of his book, “There’s an App for That”  

  • Here are the Latest Headlines The Sage is working on.
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... Roberts Court Ends Affirmative Action in Michigan Colleges (SNN) - and Fox News is still waiting for the 10s of 1000s of YouTube videos, from white people, singing “Free at last. Thank God Almighty, free at last.” Ed Toolis, author of “There’s an App for That”

  • Another Snippet from Fox News - Minority Rights
    ... in case you missed it.
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... host returned and added off-handedly, “Since they were way too busy being job creators and country-builders, no rich actually took part in the demonstration. All the demonstrators were hired at minimum wage.” Ed Toolis, author of “There’s an App for That” Photo: Some Rights Reserved by David Shankbone flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can be found here.

  • Here are the Latest Headlines The Sage is Working On
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... referring to the supposed timing of a blessed event as a PR stunt to help Hillary get the nomination. “Our nominee will have a dozen grandchildren in the oven, timed for the last few weeks before the election.” Ed Toolis, author of “There’s an App for That” 

  • Another Snippet from Fox News - Guns Everywhere Law
    ... in case you missed it.
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... “That’s right,” the female anchor added with a laugh. “So if any one of them asks you for all your money, tells you to transport drugs for them or demands sex, they’re just putting you on . . .” Ed Toolis, author of “There’s an App for That” Photo: Some Rights Reserved by Nigel Parry flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can be found here.

  • Here are the Latest Headlines The Sage is Working On
    By: Ed Toolis
    ...   (SNN) - The DevilsList, stocks in companies that do massive environmental damage, repeatedly break public safety laws, stash billions in cash overseas, and on and on, still continues to do better than the AngelsList. Ed Toolis, author of  “There’s an App for That”

  • Another Snippet from Fox News - Domestic Spying
    . . . in case you missed it.
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... months away,” she said, snidely “Ah . . . last year I forgot. You gave me grief, for good reason. And since I love you so much, I, ah, wanted to make sure I didn’t make that mistake again, so . . . .” Ed Toolis, author of  “There’s an App for That” Photo: Some Right Reserved by Light Brigading flicker photostream. The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can be found here.

  • Here are the Latest Headlines The Sage is working on.
    By:Ed Toolis
    ... qualified for the job. After all, no one’s ever died of cancer or heart disease from guns.” ‘Noah’ the Movie Makes Strange Bedfellows (SNN) - Both Glenn Beck and atheists agree that Noah is fiction. Ed Toolis, author of “There’s an App for That” http://www.amazon.com/Theres-App-That-Ed-Toolis-ebook/dp/B00JH1KMZG

  • Technology in the News
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... Graders to Get Lower Tests Scores (SNN) - “The real reason we’re number twenty-eight behind other countries is because parents give their out-of-date computer to their kids,” a report says.   Ed Toolis’ website – http://skirmishes.us PHOTO: "Modified, Tech News Added, color changes" Some Rights Reserved by Timothy Clough flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original mage can...

  • Here are the Latest Headlines The Sage is Working On
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... Church Attendance Blamed on Big Sports Games Being Scheduled on Sundays (SNN) - Pat Robertson says it’s a conspiracy of the liberal media to destroy religion in America. And he demands legislation to end this abuse. Ed Toolis’ website – http://skirmishes.us

  • Another Snippet from Fox News - on Guns
    In case you missed it.
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... enough to purchase a weapon or get a carry permit in this state.” He turned back to the viewers. “Every sane person knows extreme weather events are really caused by God’s wrath over gay marriage...” Ed Toolis’ website – http://skirmishes.us Photo: Some Rights Reserved Nathan Jongewaard flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The opriginal image can be found here.

  • Here are the latest stories The Sage is working on.
    By: Ed Toolis
    SNN Writer Furious with Sarah Palin (SNN) -“I came up with the Malaysian jet going straight to heaven first,” Ed Toolis said in the only part of a malicious Tweet that’s fit to print. “How dare you rob me of that joke by actually saying it on Fox News.” House Outraged by Canada Restricting the Importation of Porn to 65% (SNN) - “If they don’t buy our porn, we won’t buy their oil,” Boehner...

  • Another Snippet from Fox News - Minimum Wage
    In case you missed it.
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... dollars, to make sure Republican candidates win in the next election?” Photo: Some Rights Reserved by Adam Fagen  flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can be found here. Ed Toolis’ website – http://skirmishes.us

  • Here are the Latest Headlines The Sage is Working On
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... kids do janitor's work to pay for their free lunches, and say that people who believe in evolution are devil worshipers, they’re getting the moderate Republican vote as well, which is despicable.”  Ed Toolis’ website – http://skirmishes.us

  • Here are the Latest Headlines The Sage is working on.
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... said. “It was a sure thing, to begin with, but we still did everything humanly possible to get it to fail. But instead of it bringing down the whole Democratic Party, I ended up losing ten grand to Joe Biden.” Ed Toolis’ website – http://skirmishes.us

  • Republicans Blast Democrats for Wanting to Give Ex-Felons the Right to Vote
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... added, “I mean, when the felon lobby has the power to pay off the Attorney Genera so he’ll make the statement they wrote for him, you just know they have every Democrat in Congress in their pockets, too.” Ed Toolis’ website – http://skirmishes.us Photo: Some rights reserved by DonkeyHotey flickr photostream, The Sage nor this article endorsed. The original image can be found here.

  • Here are the Latest Headlines The Sage is working on.
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... said. “It was a sure thing, to begin with, but we still did everything humanly possible to get it to fail. But instead of it bringing down the whole Democratic Party, I ended up losing ten grand to Joe Biden.” Ed Toolis’ website – http://skirmishes.us

  • Notable Quotes from Tea Party 5th Anniversary Convention
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... world. And just watch, he’ll fail to take advantage of the uprising of Ukraine to finally bring American-style democracy to Russia, too. And that’s why we must win the Senate in the midterm election.” Ed Toolis’ website – http://skirmishes.us Photo: Some rights reserved by john.murden flickr photostream, The Sage nor the article endorsed. The original image can be found here.

  • Here are the Latest Headlines The Sage is working on.
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... to the Death Panels will save my ass.” And if that doesn’t work, he has this in the works: The Coming Collapse of Facebook & What You Can Do to Keep from Being One of the Billions Who Will Die Friendless. Ed Toolis’ website – http://skirmishes.us

  • Here are some of the Headlines The Sage is working on.
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... paparazzi were bad,” Dennis said in a phone interview with SNN on his cellphone, as he tried to make another run for it.. Justin Bieber Sentenced (SNN) - The judge took him over his knee and gave him a good spanking. Ed Toolis’ website – http://skirmishes.us

  • Latest Headlines from the Sage Newsroom.
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... without plastics for a whole 2 hours, 14 minutes and 12 seconds, breaking the previous record by 17 seconds,” a press release says. Syria’s Assad: “Everything Will Return to Normal in a Month or Two.” Ed Toolis’ website – http://skirmishes.us

  • Here are some of the Headlines The Sage is working on.
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... way to early to even think about running for president. George Zimmerman, of Trey von Martin Fame, Becomes Panelist on Fox News (SNN) - “Few epitomize American values, like George does,” says their TV promo. Ed Toolis’ website  

  • Here are the Latest Headlines The Sage News is working on.
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... isn’t true,” says the complaint. “It’s free speech,” a spokesman rebutted. “And when liberals don’t agree, all they’re doing is showing the world they’re hypocrites.” Ed Toolis’ website – http://skirmishes.us

  • Open Letter to Al Franken
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... once again. Now, Senator, this letter is your last warning. If you do not introduce the above legislation, immediately, we will have no other choice but to turn you into a joke in the upcoming election. Have a nice day, Ed Toolis President of the UCAW Photo: Some rights reserved by ericadamaustin flickr photostream, The Sage northis article endorsed, Original image can be found here.

  • Here are the Latest Headlines The Sage News is working on.
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... Divinity. House Republicans Outraged That the Obamacare Website is Now Working (SNN) - They accuse the White House of using it as a political tactic to win the White House in 2016. They promise a full-scale investigation. Ed Toolis’ website – http://skirmishes.us

  • Most Fraudulent Book Titles of 2013
    By: Ed Toolis
    ... $367,622.97. She sold 260,000 copies.   The Joy of Elevator and Desktop Sex was written by all the men in a Fortune 500 company’s home office, which resulted in a 22% loss in their stock value, for the second quarter. Ed Toolis’ website http://skirmishes.us

  • So What Do Citizens Have to Say about the US Government Shutdown?
    By: Ed Toolis
    (SNN) - Well, we’re in Daley Plaza, in downtown Chicago, during the morning rush hour, to find out. “The most powerful country in the world, being shutdown by a senseless squabble?” one woman commented to this man-on-the-street reporter, as she hurried by, then added over her shoulder, “I think they should be ashamed of themselves.” A dozen other passers-by grunted their agreement. “For a democracy to...

  • Showtime's Series, Masters of Sex:
    Tells the Story of the 20th Century's Greatest Discovery - the Clitoris.
    By: Ed Toolis
      - Paige Turner, reviewer for the Sage News Network Premiers Sunday. Sept 29th, at 10 p.m. EST Rated: **** 4/5 Stars (SNN) - Showtime’s Series, Masters of Sex, Tells the Story of the 20th Century’s Greatest Discovery – the Clitoris. The series explores one of life’s greatest mysteries. Why, the male of the species, who has repeatedly shown the ability to solve any problem they put their minds to, is totally...

  • VIDEO: Ed Toolis - An Introduction and Taste of what is to come.
    Introduction by: Brian K. Hahn
      (SNN) - There is no better way to introduce a new writer for The Sage than to hear for yourself the humour, wisdom and humility of a truly great comedian. Featured here is Ed Tools, the newest member of The Sage Team. The video here is called "The Prayer." Ed you are truly one funny man. Brian K. Hahn, Editor, SNN  


Search Tips:
  • To search for an exact phrase, enclose in quotes.
  • To search for ALL of several words or phrases, use AND between each word or phrase.
  • Enter multiple words to return results with ANY of the words (not necessarily all of the words).

Promote Your Business


Social Activity



Top ^